Dear Subway!

Originally published on Subways website, during their "Footlong For Life!" promotional giveaway. 

The original post was deleted overnight by the page administrators. What they did not know much to their chagrin was I had copied not only the entire text but also all of the comments below it. I repasted the entire thing again, and as before I watched the comments and copied everything. The next day once again the admins had deleted the post. For a third time I reposted not only the original post but all the comments. This time the post remained (you see the third time is the charm) but there was no reply. The silence went on for several weeks when finally I received an email that was very brief. It said "To resolve your problem please click on the following link." I di as instructed and was taken to a very generic page with simply a text box and a send buttong. So I did as any reasonable person would do in my shoes. YES! I reposted the entire text, along with all of the comments. 

In the list of said comments my favorite was from a man whose name shall not be mentioned. It simply said "Dude! You know you cant win this right?" To which I replied in kind. "Dude! You didnt read the letter did you?" I thought it was rather obvious from the tone of the letter and its content that there was nothing to win. I am not at odds with Subway and still love their sandwiches. It is simply an excercise in creativly dealing with ones frustration, Well that and having a little laugh. Keep laughing my friends.

Brian Randleas

Dear Subway,

I opened my Facebook page today to see your new promotional contest "Free Footlongs For Life!". I admit I was excited. I like a good Subway sandwich. A new Subway construction is underway in my small eastern Idaho town and many of us here in our little town of Ashton are giddy with anticipation. I clicked on your link and liked it immediately. This is the point where we developed problems.

As I filled out all of my information in the provided form, clicked agree to the TOS, and said yes, please send me promotional news emails and offers, my eyes caught something that stopped me cold.

Beneath the innocent looking space provided for my address I read the words (No PO Boxes). I panicked. No PO Boxes? In our small town 99.9% of all Ashton residents receive their mail at a PO Box. We run into this problem a lot when entering or ordering anything online. Our street addresses are not recognized mailing addresses because we have no mail route delivery to them. We all receive our mail via PO Box.

I am afraid your contest as it stands precludes the majority of our residents from participation. Once I recovered from the initial shock I searched for solutions. I could possibly use my brothers mailing address and hope that he would notify me if perchance mail came in my name containing a notification that I had won. No that wouldn't work. My brother is also a fan of Subway and he would notify me of how good the sandwiches were and thank me for entering.

My thoughts then turned to my mother. Could I use her address? She is a pretty trustworthy person. Hmm on second though she is rather fond of a good Subway sandwich as well. Realizing I was stuck I did the only thing my irrational mind could come up with. I audaciously entered my street address ( the one I am repeatedly told is not a legal mailing address) AND my PO Box number. 

I do not know if this has rendered my entry unacceptable or if somehow it will slide. My hope is that my entry has been received in good faith. If this is not so then let me list the actions that I and (I speak without authority from my fellow Ashton residents and for those of similar small towns) my fellow citizens are prepared to take.

1. We will continue to eat your tasty sandwiches and frequent your stores.

2. We will continue to tell people that we do indeed enjoy your sandwiches.

3. We will continue to get that in a meal deal with our choice of chips and large soda and yes we would like one of your delicious cookies.

4. We will continue to carry your sandwich club card in our wallets and purses and save up our points for a free footlong, chips or drink of our choice with sufficient points.

5. We will continue to let our children apply for positions with your local stores with their opportunity's for advancement, and a rewarding career in food service.

6. We will continue to "Place Orders Here" and "Pick up Orders There", in an orderly fashion.

7. We will not delete your "App for that" from our iPods and smart phones.

We would just like you to know that as we sit now in your store and eat your delicious sandwiches on that delectable soft bread with fresh ingredients and luscious deli sliced meats. Topped with our choice of vinegar, oil and sauces, and of course salt and pepper, and dabbing the corners of our mouths with your free napkins. Inside a small tear of sadness will be dripping down the cheeks of our melancholy hearts. When we slurp the last of our large soda through our straw it will signify the emptiness within our broken souls. 

Kindest regards, Brian Randleas